The Flemish author Herman Brusselmans is struggling all his life with an anxiety disorder, and has even considered an end to his life. “This I hold is not full, I make an end, I thought.”
That, he said in conversation with psychotherapist Glenn Helberg, in the tv-program The Therapist (Viceland). The 60-year-old They describe their selves as a ’frightened little boy’. “When I was a man in his twenties, it appeared that, for the first time really. But I am and always has been. I crawled always in a corner.”
The writer – one of the most popular of Belgium, says that his aggressive moods stem from emotion. “In my personal life, I want a relationship that is perfect. I like that there are no cracks in. I want no quarrels. And if there are, then I go to a border. Then I go to ’the red’, as it is called. Then I can potentially record – very aggressive. That is terrible. It is terrible, but it belongs to me.
They can see much of his father in himself. “A very friendly and nice man, until he turned a page. He was a drover and always stressed out and restless. I have lots of animals seen, everyone was tense. There, I am looking for the origin of my anxiety disorder. You never knew what you would get. Then he came home to a cattle market or so, and then we were actually all of a sudden. “How is he going to come in. Is he cute or not?’ That experience the people who are close to me also.”
To escape the fear, hold the writer in the past, frequently to the bottle. “I am an alcoholic. Alcohol was my medicine against the fear, but I also have medication and swallowed it. Doctors have me prescribed. Somewhere in the eighties I even have so deep seated that I end this thought. This I hold is not full, I make an end, I thought.”
“Ugly, old Belgian
Also his Amsterdam girlfriend, Lena, with whom the Flemish are now two years together, according to Brusselmans regularly a lot to endure. “I have her for much suffering caused by these storms. But I’m 60, and while my friend an attractive girl of 26 years of age. Then I think: what is she doing with such an ugly, old Belgian? While they probably every nice guy can get. From uncertainty do I feel inferior. And then I can be unreasonably jealous.”