NBA Social Commentary

50 Things More Exciting Than The NBA All-Star Game

The NBA All-Star game is upon us and coming at me like a freight train here in my home town of Orlando.  I have not been shy is stating that the “Association” is the worst professional product of the four major sports and it isn’t even close. The sport that created a defensive 3 second rule instead of asking coaches to learn how to beat it is a joke to me.  This magical rule doesn’t show up in any other level of basketball.  If you have watched anything NBA related in the last 10 years you will notice that it bares a closer resemblance to the WWF than a legitimate sport.  Routine dunks are constantly lauded over and the individual has become more important than the team……….oh and go ahead and throw the idea of traveling out the window.  The NBA has become unwatchable so in the spirit of the All-Star game I have come up with a list of 50 things that I would rather do than watch it.
  1. Styling my chest hair
  2. Microwaving Peeps
  3. Trying to find a computer that still has a slot for 1.5″ floppy’s so I can play Masters of Orion
  4. Watching a new episode of the very boring “Comicbook Men”
  5. Starting my annual prostate exam 8 years earlier then suggested
  6. Learning how to play the recorder again (we all know it is a lame instrument)
  7. Organizing my DVD collection by the last name of the “key grip”
  8. Ironing my bed sheets
  9. Rewiring/cleaning up the rats nest of cables behind the television
  10. Re-reading Stephen King’s “Under The Dome”………yes it was that bad
  11. Driving for hours around south Georgia
  12. Watching youtube videos of people playing NBA Jam
  13. Pouring through the hours of extras on any Michael Bay movie
  14. Eating McDonalds
  15. An Eddie Murphy triple header of: The Adventures of Pluto Nash, Norbit and Meet Dave
  16. Standard tuning
  17. Communicating via smoke signals
  18. Replacing all but one of the tires on my car with spares
  19. Dusting
  20. Using a step stool as a chair instead of my comfy office chair
  21. The girls go to Dubai
  22. Actually wrapping a gift instead of shoving it in a gift bag
  23. Watching Alcatraz (how has this show not been cancelled?)
  24. Going to my high school reunion
  25. Putting on my favorite pair of dress pants and then eating at Steak and Shake
  26. Going to the mall
  27. Reading an article written on The Huffington Post
  28. Eat cereal with chopsticks
  29. Start a photo collection of blades of grass
  30. Take a pottery class
  31. Collect cat hair
  32. Make a itunes playlist that features all songs with a harmonica
  33. Listening to the “5 Dollar Footlong” song on repeat for a whole day
  34. Rooting around the inner workings of a septic tank
  35. Draw my own “Where’s Waldo” book
  36. Set all the clocks in my house to different times
  37. Eat nothing but “Tear Jerkers” for a whole day
  38. Write letters to all of my ex’s
  39. Army crawl to and from the office for a whole week
  40. Cheering for the N.Y. Yankees
  41. Having to use a crayon to sign all of my invoices
  42. Wearing a banana hammock to the beach
  43. Shoveling snow (there is a reason I moved to Florida)
  44. Going a whole day without using the words “the” or “and”
  45. Watching a whole NASCAR season
  46. Paddle boating the full length of the Mississippi
  47. Re-taking high school Chemistry

The last 3 were submitted by our very own Meehan:

  1. Watch some other sport where they actually play defense
  2. Getting my asshole bleached
  3. Pretty much anything else other than watch the NBA all star game

4 Comments

  • Wow, I had almost forgotten about Meet Dave, Norbit, and Pluto Nash. It looks as if the new movie he’s doing with Ben Stiller seems to be headed in that direction as well.

    Writing letters to all of my ex’s might prove difficult because I’m sure a couple of them can’t read and at least one of them has since died. It would be impossible to go through a whole day without using the words “and” or “the”.

    Hey, I like cats.

    I think if I had to listen to the 5 dollar footlong song all day I would die bleeding from the ears from scissor wounds.

    Now, there might be a few people who read this who might think that the NBA still hold some sort of precedent, I will say this: I was sick last night and watched the Red Wings/Hawks game and I have to say that as a product hockey has really gotten their shit together. The NBC Sports network might be the best thing to ever happen to the sport. With McGuire iceside and Roenick back in the studio, they are showing people that they aren’t fucking around, plus they inherited all of the cable subscribers from Versus with the changeover. The NHL as a product is creeping up on baseball too, which at the moment is losing its ass on a daily basis.

    Personally, I like basketball, but it definitely has its moments where nobody knows what the hell is going on and their commissioner has a lot to do with that. He’s a complete bonehead, and from what I’m reading in this ESPN book he’s a whiner when everything doesn’t go his way. Not a negotiator, but a whiny little bitch, and that probably has a lot to do with why everybody hates his fucking guts.

    Meehan

  • I like cats to, but i don’t need to collect their fur!

    The current state of the NBA is a mess and it is somewhere between the WWF and a motorcross show. Watch that shit house that they call Sports Center for an hour and you will get a good grasp on how bad things are.

  • And the All Star fiasco is dragging it further towards “sports” like that and away from sports that can actually be gambled on.

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