NFL Sports


by Ryan Meehan

Week Seven isn’t exactly caviar when it comes to a slate of games, but there are a couple of decent ones.  Of course the major news this week is the Raiders trading away to first rounders to get Carson Palmer from the Bengals.  It seems strange that they’d be willing to sacrifice two first round draft picks for a guy who’s definitely on his way down for a QB.  Speaking of trades, here’s a thought:  Since The Denver Broncos shipped Brandon Lloyd to the Rams who then cut Mike Sims-Walker, wouldn’t it make sense for the Patriots to cut Chad Ochocinco and sign Walker?  Although he might not be a better receiver than Chad, he’s at least willing to learn the playbook.  Let’s see what might happen in Week 7.

Denver (1-4) at Miami (0-5)

Like I said, it ain’t exactly good eatin’.  The Dolphins played a snorefest of a Monday night game last week, after which I had reported that the Jets had gotten their passing game back.  Truth is, I didn’t see much of it and as it turns out I was totally wrong.  Tim Tebow is going to owe the Dolphins his life savings after this one, because they’re going to make him look like Johnny Unitas.  (Editor’s Note:  Cardinal Tebow will likely donate his life savings to the huddled, yearning masses so Miami will never get their money)  Who starts for the Dolphins again? 

Broncos 31, Dolphins 9

San Diego (4-1) at New York Jets (3-3)

This is the story of two underachieving football teams:  The Chargers seem to be content floating from one season to another without really doing anything in January.  The Jets have played well in the playoffs the past two seasons up until the conference championship round, but are way behind schedule for the Super Bowl win that their coach has promised.  Sure, Rex Ryan is a jackass and he’s going to say whatever he has to say to get the microphone in his face, but Mark Sanchez STILL hasn’t had that big game I’ve been saying for over a year that he so desperately needs. 

Jets 24, Chargers 22

Seattle (2-3) at Cleveland (2-3) 

Yawn.  The Browns have posted a couple of decent showings this year but I have a feeling that Sportscenter won’t be leading with this game on Sunday night.  

 Browns 16, Seahawks 10

Houston (3-3) at Tennessee (3-2)

I’m a little curious as to how Tennessee will play coming out of the bye week.  If Houston loses this one, it’s over.  You could make the argument that whoever wins this game pretty much has the division on lockdown.  Like I said last week about the Eagles, this is the last week I’m buying it.

Texans 23, Titans 20
Atlanta (3-3) at Detroit (5-1)

Detroit will try to bounce back from their first loss of the season against the Falcons.  How many home games do the Lions have this year?  Anyway, I expect Detroit to still be able to stuff up the middle but get lit up at the corners.  But their offense is big time ready, and they should be doing just fine facing Atlanta. 

Lions 38, Falcons 27
Chicago (3-3) at Tampa Bay (4-2)

As much as I don’t buy the Bucs, they are probably a better team than the Bears save head to head.  The Bears matchup quite well in this game and I expect that D line to give Freeman hell, which he deserves because he’s Josh Freeman.  These are pretty evenly matched teams, but I have to give the Bears the upper hand because even though that kid who’s replacing LeGarrette Blount is doing great, they still don’t have LeGarrette Blount.  And A LOT of their offensive scheme was based on him, so I have to take the Bears here. 

Bears 21, Bucs 17
Washington (4-2) at Carolina (1-5)

Upset special.  I think the Redskins are still in this sort of bizarre state of confusion after last week.  They should have been beat a lot worse, but luckily for them the Eagles weren’t able to capitalize on a majority of those turnovers so it kind of masked how shitty of game Washington really played.  Carolina needs a huge win over a team that has a winning record to gain some serious respect, and I believe they get it here. 

Panthers 26, Redskins 21 

Pittsburgh (4-2) at Arizona (1-4)
In a rematch of one of my favorite Super Bowls in recent memory, this game will look nowhere near as exciting.  Pittsburgh is a beaten wound, but they weren’t in prime shape last year and they almost took it all the way so who knows? 

Steelers 20, Cardinals 6

Kansas City (2-3) at Oakland (4-2) 

The Chiefs were on a two-game winning streak, and I only say that because 1) it’s pro football and there are only 16 games and 2) it’s the goddamned Chiefs.  This is a great game for Carson Palmer to get used to whooping up on the usual spineless zeroes that comprise Oakland’s schedule every year. 

Raiders 32, Chiefs 15

St. Louis (0-6) at Dallas (2-3)

Everybody can beat the Rams right now.  Dallas gets a timely gift here.  Romo should have a huge day.  He may not have free reign at the end of a close game but in ones like this they’ll let him do whatever the hell he wants.  As long as he isn’t throwing picks he’ll still appear to be on the right track. 

Cowboys 24, Rams 11

Green Bay (6-0) at Minnesota (1-5)

Don’t expect any defense here.  Expect Aaron Rodgers to go nuts though because the Vikings rank 31st in total passing.  The Packers are having a rough month on defense as well although last week showed improvement.  Minnesota finally decided to bench Donovan McNabb, so we’ll see what Christian Ponder has to offer here.  (And while I’m at it, enough with the sportscasters using the term “ponder” as a play on words, it’s just a lame joke…stop) 

Packers 40, Vikings 20

Indianapolis (0-6) at New Orleans (4-2)

In another recent Super Bowl rematch, Sunday night brings us a team that can’t compete on defense (That seems to be a trend lately), and a team that right now probably couldn’t fucking compete playing air hockey at a junior high youth group retreat. 

Saints 37, Colts 17

Baltimore (4-1) at Jacksonville (1-5)

The Jaguars are on Monday night?  Why?  Who is responsible for this atrocity?  Fuck the Madden Curse this is becoming the Hank Williams Jr. curse. Will it be better than last week’s game?  Sure it will. 

Ravens 19, Jaguars 3

Bye Weeks:  New York Giants, Philadelphia Eagles, San Francisco 49ers, Cincinnati Bengals, Buffalo Bills, New England Patriots

The Giants have to be pissed because if they would have won that Seattle game they’d have box cutters to the Eagles and Cowboys throat’s right now, and I’d be happy as hell.  But remember, the Giants get soft at the end of the season if they start out really hot.  Now Philadelphia doesn’t.  They can afford a slide like they have been having.  Hell, all of the analysts pretty much have them still penciled in as a 1 seed in the NFC where they wouldn’t even make it in at this point.  The Bills and the Bengals just have to be very happy with where they’re currently at.  What I like about the Patriots besides the obvious is Aaron Hernandez.  He’s had a HELL of a year already.  Could you imagine if you owned him in fantasy right now?  The 49ers have some pretty big balls.  This isn’t the year it all comes back (so settle down), but they are going to finish with an excellent record this year.

Week Eight should be much more exciting, and features a Steelers – Patriots game which are always fun to watch.  See you then. 

Once again thanks for visiting First Order Historians and enjoying more of the internet’s finest in user generated content.



  • I wonder if the NFL powers that be looked head, saw that this was a World Series weekend, and scheduled the worst slate of games in the history of the league. What am I saying…football concerned about baseball ratings?! But as a baseball fan, and someone who is enjoying this Series, I am thrilled they have scheduled a pair of unwatchable games for this week’s prime time.

    I have a bad feeling about the Raiders going into this week, no matter who starts at QB. They have had a lot of early season success, are banged up now, and are due for a correction. Also, their kicker, who is probably the best in the game, is out.

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