by Ryan Meehan
Week Two is in the books and we are once again reminded that in the NFL anything is possible.  So let’s begin with a perfect example of that.
Tennessee 26, Baltimore 13
Anybody that had the Titans beating the Ravens please stand up.  Now that everybody is seated, let me give a quick lecture on why NOTHING is a lock.  I guarantee you there wasn’t one single sportswriter in the country that picked the Titans to win Sunday and actually believed that it would happen.  Everybody hadBaltimore to cover the spread and they got their ass kicked.  They have this supposedly unstoppable defense that just got picked apart by fucking Matt Hasselback.  Chris Johnson still had a pretty weak showing and was booed by the fans for his poor performance.  (53 yards may not be piss-poor, but when you consider the fit he threw during preseason about getting his money, it’s awfully low.)  This one is baffling, even to me. 

Cleveland 27, Indianapolis 19

At some point last year I was faced with the harsh realization that the Colts’ window may be closing.  I’m not that shocked about Peyton Manning’s injury because he’s taken a beating throughout his career.  Everything that I have seen out of Kerry Collins to this point assures me that this is officially the beginning of the end.  In the NFL, teams change so quickly that a good job can go to a bad job very rapidly.  It’s going to be a hard sell getting any offensive free agent to sign with Indy until we know more about Peyton’s injury and how it’s going to affect the future of that franchise.  Andrew Luck, you’re now on speed dial. 

New Orleans 30, Chicago 13
Didn’t miss minute of this one.  Cutler looked good in the first half, but they just stopped blocking for him after that.  He has every reason to be upset and although now fans and writers alike will be paying very close attention to his behavior on the sidelines I’d be sulking too.  This was a winnable game for the Bears:  They were within three at halftime on the road and Forte was playing a hell of a game.  But oh, the horror…I bet the Superdome is a very difficult place to play for anybody that has a conscience.  Thank God I don’t have one of those fucking things. 
Dallas 27, San Francisco 24

One week Tony Romo is the goat, the next week he’s the hero.  As impressive as it was that he convinced Jason Garrett to let him return to this one, it’s still the 49ers so I’m not going to be spraying my seed everywhere until I see something of the like either late in the season or in the playoffs.  Romo did play with a rib injury which is no bullshit, but they were playingSan Franciscowho on the other hand is major bullshit.  Miles Austin had a hell of a game and if they want to make a serious Super Bowl push they need him to put up some Jerry Rice-type numbers this season. 
Tampa Bay 24, Minnesota 20
Leslie Frazier swears that there is no quarterback controversy for the Vikings, but he certainly has to understand why everyone is asking.  McNabb was putrid in the second half Sunday, and Adrian Peterson rushed for 120 yards and they still lost.  So what’s plan C then for Minnesota?  On the other hand, Josh Freeman was good but not brilliant.  The kid’s still got some problems to work out but if he can get it together I’m on the bandwagon.  OK, maybe not. 

Detroit 48, Kansas City 3

Look, I love what the Lions are doing.  I love Matthew Stafford’s energy and I love the fact that they are doing everything in their power to change the culture of losing just like the Arizona Cardinals did just a few years back.  But I’m not going to slurp any team the rest of the year for running up points on the Chiefs. Kansas Cityis absolute dogshit, and we can’t be sitting here giving every team that smacks them around a ton of credit.  I can honestly see them finishing 32nd in almost every defensive category when this year is all said and done.  At least now they have something to blame their offensive struggles on as running back Jamaal Charles is out for the season. 

New York Jets 32, Jacksonville 3

Speaking of not giving people credit for whooping up on teams that would get ran by a high school squad, the Jaguars got absolutely murdered by the New York Jets from every angle.  Luke McCown threw four interceptions in this game and was feeling the pressure the whole time.  McCown had a quarterback rating of 1.8, by far my favorite stat of the week.  I did hear a couple of radio analysts blast Rex Ryan for leaving Mark Sanchez in all the way, and I couldn’t disagree more.  I think it puts some hair on the guy’s balls, which he probably shaves daily.  He still threw two picks and didn’t even crack 200 yards so needless to say there’s still a lot of work to be done.  The Jets haveOakland,Baltimore, andNew Englandthe next three weeks so we’ll see how good they really are. 

Washington 22, Arizona 21

FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!  Please tell me Rex Grossman isn’t the Redskins’ quarterback of the future.  I mean, as a fan of another team in that division I’d sort of love to see it because you know the shit could hit the fan any minute, but I just don’t want to see or hear him anymore. Washingtonstarting 2-0 certainly doesn’t help matters, and hopefully I’m not still sitting here in week seven talking about how the Redskins are the comeback story of the decade.  I don’t want this to be true. 

Houston 23, Miami 13

This HAS to be the yearHoustonwins that division.  It just has to be.  The other three teams are terrible and winning two games right out of the box can easily be the difference between getting in and watching it on TV.  The Texans are in for a real test next as they face the Saints and the Steelers the next two weeks.  How about Ben Tate stepping up again in place of Arian Foster and getting 103 yards?  It took 23 carries, but still that’s good for a guy who isn’t usually your first option.  And a smart move by Foster for taking himself out when he felt the muscle tense up, you don’t see a lot of guys do that very often.  I had no idea Wade Phillips was the defensive coordinator for the Texans. 

Pittsburgh 24, Seattle 0

This one was destined to end like this from the opening kickoff.  The Steelers were mad because they were embarassed by a division opponent in their home opener, and the Seahawks were the perfect whipping boy. Pittsburghpitched a shutout and got back to the style of football that has brought them so much success in recent years.  164 total yards for the Seahawks…ouch.  Anytime you can get through the entire game without allowing a single point that has to give your defense an ego boost. 
New England 35, San Diego 21
Even if you really, really hate the Patriots you have to enjoy what Tom Brady has been doing the past two weeks.  Given the Chargers aren’t the defensive powerhouse they used to be due to the throes of free agency and such, Brady called an incredible game Sunday and became the first player in NFL history to throw for 500 yards in week one and then 400 + yards in week two.  He’s starting to get really cocky with the media too and I think that’s awesome.  It’s about time, he’s right on Montana’s heels and they play in a division where their biggest rivals wouldn’t be able to shut their mouths if you buried them up to their heads and then decapitated them with a riding lawn mower. 

Green Bay 30, Carolina 23

Once again Cam Newton threw for over 400 yards, and once again the Panthers lost.  He did throw three interceptions this week, a mistake that you can’t make againstGreen Bay.  As for the Packers, they will continue to do what they need to do to win.  It doesn’t do them any good to blow anybody out, they’re the champs and until they’re dethroned as long as they have more points on the scoreboard they’ll be just fine.  I’m not woried about Cam Newton being able to carve up their defense for stats like that, the Pack gets up early and often.  The only thing they would really need to worry about is a team likeAtlantaor Philly going apeshit on them in the fourth quarter of a playoff game and scoring 21 unanswered points if they were only ahead 20.  But that’s still a long ways away. 

Buffalo 38, Oakland 35

I wasn’t taking the Bills seriously in week one because I think the Chiefs might end up being the worst team in the NFL this year.   However, Ryan Fitzpatrick was clutch as hell.  With all of this conference restructurization talk going on in college football, if I were the Bills I would be drawing up all sorts of crazy proposals to get them moved to the AFC South.  (Remember, the Arizona Cardinals used to be in the NFC East)  All that said Oakland had this one in the bag and they blew it.  You can’t let that happen, even on the road. 

Denver 24, Cincinnati 22

The only highlight I saw on Monday from this matchup was where the Broncos lined Tim Tebow up at receiver when their starter got hurt.  The Bengals were 1 for 11 on third down and 0 for 2 on fourth down, and they only lost by two?  You don’t even want me to copy some of the rest of the stats for this game, it’s just depressing as fuck.  But here they are if you’re interested:

Atlanta 35, Philadelphia 31

The Eagles were owning this game until Vick got injured.  I’m not a big believer in karma or any of that bullshit, but what I do know is after he pointed at that scoreboard when Philly was still up ten points and they were escorting him to the locker room, the Eagles never scored again. I’m sure there was a lot of emotion building up here and this one lived up to the hype. 

New York Giants 28, St. Louis 16

According to my father, the Giants looked really sloppy in the first half.  Eli made some reall off the mark throws but the Giants were able to somehow make it happen.  Their defense gave up five plays of twenty yards plus, which isn’t good.  It would have been six but one was negated by a holding penalty.  The good news?  The Giants get to play everybody else int he NFC West this year.  The bad news?  So does everybody else in the NFC East.  If 10-6 didn’t cut it last year, 8-8 won’t cut it this year.  Ona positive note, I really do like Sam Bradford’s attitude.  He doesn’t bitch, whine, or complain when shit doesn’t go his way.  He gets right back up and fights to play another down. 

Bonus Comment:  Is it just me or are we seeing more dropped passes than ever this year?  I saw between ten to twenty throws on the highlights that couldn’t have been put into the receiver’s hands any better if the quarterback would have stapled them to their fingertips before they left the line of scrimmage. 
Once again thanks for visiting First Order Historians and enjoying more of the internet’s finest in user generated content. 


  • I’m not getting overly excited about Romo’s second half performance against the Niners either. It was gutsy, but he also played a terrible first half against a mediocre passing defense.


  • I have to say, after they cut off my Raiders game on Sunday I didn’t watch a minute of the late games. I caught that Eagles-Falcons game though. That was one helluva game!

  • Here’s what Colts fans need to realize…A) Manning’s career is over, and that means B) The Colts are over. More importantly, the Colts need to realize that without Manning, they need to revamp that offense that was built around him. No one else is going to replace Manning, so it is time to call it an era and start over.

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