Social Commentary

WHY DONALD TRUMP WILL NEVER BE PRESIDENT

by Ryan Meehan
 
For some reason I seem to be a little bit more interested in politics as of late, but it might just be the ridiculousness of the landscape.  So it’s not my place to really bitch about this but I recently noticed something about the upcoming 2012 election that’s so glaringly obvious it isn’t even funny. 
 
At some point over the past ten years, I have become what a lot of people consider to be a conservative even though I find those terms completely useless.  New York real estate mogul, television star, and all-time jackass Donald Trump has been teasing the media with the idea that he may in fact run for President of the United States next year. 
 
Now usually putting a guy with astronomical amounts of money into such a high public office is not a good idea because someone like that has so many special interests that the lobbyists will most likely drown in their own saliva before the inauguration.  That’s not the problem.  Some hardcore Republicans have brought up the fact that Trump’s candidacy may cause the GOP to lose focus on Sarah Palin becoming the next president, and that he may need to run as an independent if he can’t get the Grand Ol’ Party’s nomination.  But that’s not the problem either.  Others have dismissed the notion saying that Trump is simply trying to drum up attention for his reality television show “The Celebrity Apprentice”, on which he is supposed to make an announcement May 15th regarding his presidency.  Only, that’s not the problem as well.  Nope, the weakness of Donald’s candidacy hinges on one simple fact:  He cannot be president because he’s a germaphobe. 
 
Let me explain:  What does every politician have to do to become successful?  They have to be able to shake hands with potential voters.  Trump is terrified of shaking hands with anybody, and he’s admitted it on several occasions.  He’s a self-described OCD sufferer that’s been known to wash his hands several times in a row for no good reason.  So how in the world is he going to earn the respect of voters all across the country if he isn’t willing to swap sweat with the average Joe?  Most of these people don’t know anything about Trump other than the fact that he’s rich and if he can’t somehow level with them, there’s no way in the world he’s going to be the guy that carries enough red states to ensure a GOP victory in 2012. 
 
Now, I’m not saying that I disagree with Mr. Trump’s stance on bacteria…I’m actually horrified of germs myself and I am guilty of using hand sanitizer between these very paragraphs.  But, in my defense I’m not running for president.  I don’t have to shake anybody’s hand at all to get on the internet and yell about how much of a dumpster fire our culture has become.  
 
Hard to believe that a guy who just got “roasted” on Comedy Central is now running for president.  Here were the guests at that event:  Jeffrey Ross (eh…), Snoop Dogg (only one I’ll give you), the orange guy from Jersey Shore (douchebag), Whitney Cummings (not funny, probably wouldn’t even have got a special if she wasn’t good looking), and Ice-T (old, irrelevant).  Who’s his running mate going to be, Carrot Top?  His current empire is based on a show called “The Celebrity Apprentice” where he gets all of these C list celebrities to help him come up with iced tea flavors and then he fires everybody but one person.  My father and I were watching it the other day waiting for the news to come on the other night, and Trump was in the process of firing either Gary Busey or the lead singer of Sugar Ray.  And I thought:  This guy thinks he can be president?
 
Even on that show, Trump sits at what seems to be barely even shouting distance away from these people.  That’s when I realized how weird his business meetings must be:  When Trump’s looking to fuck somebody out of fifteen million dollars or so, he has his people lead them into one of these very intimidating rooms, feeds them a line of his signature horseshit as he closes the deal, and then doesn’t even have the common decency to shake the other guy’s hand.  If you ask me not only is it a cop out, but I’d be willing to bet that if Donald Trump’s net worth was only a few thousand bucks and if he did have to work with his hands for a living, his fear of microscopic particles would disappear almost instantaneously.
 
And this is more for me than just some hack comedian’s shitty joke about his hair.  I really actually can’t believe any of his people haven’t mentioned that the germophobia might be a problem at some point.  Having that much money sometimes means that you’re surrounded by so many “yes” men it’s almost unheard of for someone to tell you “no”.  Still, you’d think someone would have brought it up by now. 
 
Maybe this is a perfect example of the financial failures our nation has suffered due in part to bad decision making.  Maybe it shows you the great lengths rich celebrities are willing to take to inflate their own ego.  Maybe I’m just a dick and I don’t have anything else to write about.  Whatever it is, it’s definitely a sign of desperation.  And you can’t blame it on the Republicans because they haven’t even decided if they want to claim him yet. 
 
“Make sure you don’t miss that last exit, because once you hit that bridge you’re headed over the river, and once you finally do get off the interstate, it’s like a fuckin’ bomb went off over there” – Jeff Hudson
 
Thank you once again for visiting First Order Historians and enjoying more of the internet’s finest in user generated content. 
 
Meehan

17 Comments

  • When it comes to politics the US is unlike any other country in the world . It’s highest political office is more style over substance when it comes to many of its candidates more than anything else !

    Trump is no more a politician much less a businessman than Martha Stewart could be considered to be a great orator ! He may well have attended Wharton School of Business but does it make him smart much less the consummate businessman he claims himself to be . Twice he’s bankrupted two multi billion corporations and the dumb ass bankers still have still come back to his aid . Now ask him how his casino operations are now doing ?

    But then again he can’t do or be any worse than Perot , Carter or Bush (GW ) can he should make into the White House ? I’d have said Obama but the jury is still out on his ass and Cabinet filled with a bunch of cretins with the exception of Arne Duncan !

    tophatal …………

  • Alan,

    The point of the article is that if he can’t shake hands with anybody it’s going to be very difficult for him to become a politician. Especially with no experience.

    Trump owned New York after he got rich again in the nineties. At ANY point, he could have given Cuomo enough money to step down and he never did.

    Meehan

  • Meehan

    He won’t shake hands ? Ah ! Who’d want to shake hands with a ingrate like that to begin with ?

    As for Romney explain to me what you see as insight when he failed so miserably in ’08 to gain the GOP nomination ? The guy couldn’t even explain himself even when it came to his own damn economic policy succinctly much less have any insight as to foreign policy . C’mon now you that naive ?

    It’s no so much experience but showing common sense and integral knowledge of the world around you . How many of the most recent Presidents would say even have any of that right off the bat ?

    Bush on his first foray in 00 couldn’t even name the President of Pakistan but his ass was talking about the country being an ally . He then went on talk about Saudi President when the damn country has a ruling monarchy . So tell me what that suggests to with regard to the candidates . All Trump has is his ego and not much else !

    Don’t be that impressed about his so called business foray because on the face of it he’s not that brilliant when measured against the Pritzkers of the world .

    tophatal ……………

  • And going back and reading this, I realized that this was a terrible piece because I missed the most important joke of all: That Trump is probably such a germaphobe that I bet he makes all of the Beauty pageant winners chug a gallon of hand sanitizer before they blow him. Ok, I’m done.

    Meehan

  • Meehan

    What fiscal knowledge does Trump ….. actually have ? He’s bankrupted his company twice over the course of his so called entrepreneurial career . Hardly a sure indictment that elicits someone who’s a businessman .

    He should stick to what he knows and that fleecing bankers and the public with his shtick !

    Palin and Bachmann ? Whoa nelly !

    Let Jenna Jameson or Mary Carey (porn stars) run instead because then at least we’ll actually have an idea as to what they’re for and against !

    tophatal …………

  • Well he does have fiscal knowledge. You couldn’t get to the level he’s at without having some. As far as bankrupting his own company twice, that’s just poor application of that knowledge in the first place. And as far as the banks loaning him money, now he’s got TV money and collateral so he’ll get to borrow as much money as humanly possible.

  • No ……. what Trump was able to do was to con the all too gullible bankers into loaning him their cash ! He’s repeatedly done it again and again and shows no sign of stopping. Half of the so called projects that now bears his name aren’t actually his . He merely licenses his name to consortiums looking to market that brand as in the Trump name . He takes a slice right off the top and then at the back end .

    But consider this also half of that commercial property he’s now sitting on in NYC ………. he’s got to be taking a severe hit because commercial property values have depreciated in this economy . And at the same do you actually believe that all of his commercial properties are all fully occupied as he’d have us believe ? It may well be the case to an extent with regard to his residential properties . But I doubt with the commercial entities and some of his hotels ! It stands to reason . His casinos are still hemorrhaging cash in this downturn which he’ll no doubt to offset against his other business entities .

    The tv collateral is nothing as the show is co-venture with (the Brit – who’s also the creator of Survivor) Mark Burnett who owns the major slice of that pie to begin with as he devised the project from the get go . The show was already a hit in the UK in certain parts of Europe before it was brought here by Burnett .

    tophatal ……..

  • Koz brought up the idea that it might be good to have a guy in charge that has some level of fiscal knowledge.

    That being said, if Trump DOES win the GOP nomination, this country is not going to have a female president for a very long time, because it would mean that he would win the nomination over both Palin and Michelle Bachmann.

    Meehan

  • I met Trump once, and he was a very nice guy. Not so sure he should try his hand in politics though. Seems like it’s doomed to fail. That roast they did on him was awesome!

  • Yeah, it’s always lame when non-comedians try to be funny. They just don’t have the practice writing the material!

  • Meehan

    Mitt Romney has fiscal knowledge but ask that asshole to explain the vagaries of the US economy and it’s as if he’s had a brain fart ! Funny when you consider he’s one of the founders of one the largest private equities and capital investments companies (Bain & Co [Capital] ) in the US . So does that make him an expert when his failed so miserably in his effort to win the GOP nomination in ’08 ? I don’t know what it its with US candidates here when they seek the country’s highest political office but there are individuals with mental disabilities who show more common sense than the likes of Romney , Pawlenty and Trump for that matter !

    Trump is berating the Chinese about them peggin’ their currency but he says nothing about his companies have literally at the government’s largesse have been able to avoid paying corporate taxes or defer payment for longer than is usually allowed . The guy is a hypocrite and a damn cretin !

    Style over substance everytime that’s all you’ll get from these candidates and their subordinates in the end !

    tophatal ………………

  • I don’t really have a lot of problems with Mitt Romney. He seems to have his head screwed on more so than the others.

    And it can’t get any worse than fucking Obama

  • Meehan

    Koz

    Well it’s back to the norm as usual when it comes to the NBA postseason ! The refs are continuing to screw things up !

    Courtesy of USA Today .

    NBA keeps coaches silent on free throws for home teams

    Complaining about officiating is an NBA playoff tradition — one that sometimes comes with a monetary transfer from a coach’s bank account to the league.

    Nate McMillan has been the NBA’s latest victim for criticizing officials after games. McMillan was fined $35,000 for his public comments.

    After Portland Trail Blazers coach Nate McMillan bemoaned the Dallas Mavericks’ 19-2 fourth-quarter advantage in free throws in Saturday’s Game 1, the NBA fined him $35,000 on Monday for “public comments about the officiating.”

    HEAT STAY HOT: Smother Sixers
    ADELMAN OUT: Rockets let coach go

    In the eight playoff series openers, home teams enjoyed a 256-189 edge in free throws attempted, including a 130-74 advantage in Saturday’s four games.

    Philadelphia 76ers coach Doug Collins skirted the issue after his team’s Game 1 loss to the Miami Heat. Asked to address Miami’s 39-15 edge in free throws, Collins said, “I could. But my grandkids would lose their college fund.”

    Though some coaches might think referees favor one team or another, style of play is probably a bigger factor.

    The Heat attempted the third-most free throws in the league this season, and the Sixers were 26th. Heat forward LeBron James and guard Dwyane Wade are two of the league’s most aggressive attackers, ranking fifth and sixth, respectively, in foul shots attempted.

    ———————————-

    Click on link to read in full .
    ————————–

    So it’s back to the usual mayhem that’ll be caused by the refs while Stern continues to condone their complete ineptitude !

    tophatal ………………

  • Meehan

    I’d like to know Trump would deal with international diplomacy ! I mean he can’t outright say to the Chinese leader Hu Jintao ….’ you’re fired ‘ ___ because he can’t get his own way . Wha’d ya think ?

    tophatal ……..

  • The American dream is that the little guy inherently looks up to a Trump, or his ilk, not wanting them to pay taxes, because he thinks that some day he’ll have that kind of money.

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