by Ryan Meehan

So the other night I had a pretty disturbing dream about the Slowfish.  It probably wasn’t nearly as disturbing as the actual existence of the Slowfish itself, but frightening nonetheless.  When I woke up, I came up with this weird question:  If they made a movie about our time at the Slowfish, which actors would play us?  Now, keep in mind, this is JUST done for fun (look at who plays me) and don’t be sending me any bullshit emails about how you’re upset with who you got.

Seth Knappen – Johnny Depp
Jeremy Andersen – Joaquin Phoenix
Paul Blomquist – Matt Damon
Mike Robinson – Danny Trejo
Chris Etheridge – Doug Stanhope
Paul Mattison – Justin Beiber
Kevin Lonergan – Jeff Bridges
Jenny Lonergan – Sandra Bullock
Beavis Kuhnley – Seth Green
Jason Parris – Harmony Korine
Justen Parris – Lionel Richie
Donnie Bobb – Justin Timberlake
Dennis Hockaday – Paul McCartney
Gary White – Tony Hawk
Matt Duncan – Russell Brand
Gary Yontz – Paul Reubens
Booter Roberson – Sean William Scott
Brian Schutlz – Eric Stoltz
Ryan Loomis – Sean Patrick Flannery
Ryan Meehan – Lindsay Lohan
Ryan Collins – Tim Robbins
Rob Delevere – Gary Oldman
Tim Pilichowski – Cillian Murphy
Joe Nonenmann – Adrian Brody
Tony Barber – James Franco
Chris VanOpdorp – Steve-O
Mike Ousley – Andy Samberg
Steve Cravens – Ed Norton
Mike Beck – Luke Wilson
Pat Adamson – Vince Vaughn
Ron Franz – Kim Jong Il
Josh Jones – Jason Statham + 20 pounds
Mike Cravens – Jason Mewes
Sean Hearstedt – Danny Devito
Freakboy – Christian Bale
Pete Toalsen – Mickey Rourke
Kristofor Beck – Owen Wilson
Creepy Sam – Patton Oswalt
Donald Byrd – Artie Lange

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  • Indeed he did, he had several bad suggestions as well. I received plenty of bad suggestions during the writing of this piece.


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