by Ryan Meehan
Two full length movies in four days is WAY over my recommended viewing limit, but Thursday night we decided to rent “Inception” anyway. Everyone that I know who had seen it said it was great, so my expectations were very high going into it. As for now, I was going to take a walk but I went outside and the first thing I saw was some guy getting blown in a minivan by some poor woman in front of my neighbor’s drug dealing operation. I mean apartment. So I skipped my exercise and here I am, trying to sort out what I saw in this film.
A little bit about me: I’m not a very patient person. I’m terrified of spending two and a half hours doing anything, so I was very proud of myself for making it through this whole movie. We live in a very short attention span culture, so anytime I hear something is going to last an extended period of time, I begin thinking about what I could be doing with that time. And lately, most of those things would be challenging myself with some ridiculous stamina-based self exploration, like how many times I can masturbate without falling asleep.
DiCaprio’s played a lot of great parts in a lot of really good movies, but he’s sort of turning into a bit of a buttfuck lately. I know this was a drama / suspense type of film, but I thought since Titanic he’s kind of overacted quite a bit.
You’re not going to get a very accurate reading from me on this one because I absolutely HATE Ellen Page more than anything in the world. I think she is very overrated, and I thought Juno sucked. To be brutally honest, I see nothing funny about teenage pregnancy at all. The roles that she takes would lead one to believe that she doesn’t have a very active love life either. I mean, in that movie she was having sex with Michael Cera and in this one she wasn’t having sex with anybody. For my money I would actually watch Lindsay Lohan act instead of Ellen Page. With a pair of scissors jammed down my dickhole.
I liked Murphy a lot in Red Eye, as well as that other movie where he plays a transvestite. For his sake, I sincerely hope he’s not as weird of a person as he is as an actor. He’s kind of got that look that says “I just had sex with a water buffalo and filmed it”.
Gotta be honest here, I’m getting really tired of British people.
This guy plays the chemist that produces the drugs that are needed to sustain the dream states. I’m not familiar with his work but he has a very Bollywood look to him if you get my drift.
I know very little about Marian. She’s very attractive, but that might be just a comparative issue since Page looks like a twelve year old. She’s also a total bitch, but you’d expect that from anyone who was either killed by their husband or committed suicide.
“Here you go, a whole chicken…” Some guys just can’t escape a certain role. I can’t believe he’s still acting.
Hardy looks like someone put the bottom half of his head in a vice and then stopped halfway, leaving him with an abnormally large forehead. The one thing that I did find hilarious is that his Wikipedia page lists Joseph Gordon Levitt as a spouse. That could possibly be more accurate than the rest of the world might come to expect.
Caine’s a legend. Period. I’m not going to talk shit about Michael Caine on our blog.
DiCaprio’s character (Cobb) is one of these “idiot savant” guys who is a master of going into other people’s dreams to manipulate their minds. He’s washes up on some Japanese beach (no idea why) and is brought in to see this emperor-type figure. Here’s a brief description of the goal of the movie from Wikipedia:
“Cobb is approached by the wealthy Mr. Saito (Ken Watanabe) asking them to perform the act of “inception”, planting an idea within the person’s subconscious mind. Saito wishes to break up the vast energy empire of his competitor, the ailing Maurice Fischer (Pete Postlethwaite), by suggesting to his son Robert Fischer (Cillian Murphy) who will inherit the empire when his father dies. Should Cobb succeed, Saito promises to use his influence to clear Cobb of the murder charges for his wife’s death, allowing Cobb to re-enter the United States and reunite with his children.”
Basically, Cobb was a suspect in his wife’s murder, and he can’t go home to see his children until he is cleared of the charges. This doesn’t make a whole lot of sense because he calls his children (in reality, not in a dream sequence) and they don’t seem to be suspicious of anything. I’m not really an expert on children, but from the looks of these kids they could have been more than 4 and 6. That’s way to young to make the decision whether or not daddy killed mommy. As it turns out, it was a suicide anyway.
They need to put together a crew who can construct a world within a dream that will convince Murphy to feel a certain way about something. Not that anybody watching would have any idea what that is, but you get the point.
So they travel to Paris to locate an architect, which turns out to be Page’s character. She is incredibly vulnerable, and seems to have no problem agreeing to engage in activities that could easily end in rape right from the get-go. Think about it: If you were at some school studying architecture in France, and one of your instructors pulled you over in the hallway and tells you to go up on the roof with this glassy eyed stranger…would you do it? And would you then let that same stranger take you to some gay bistro-looking sandwich shop only to tell you that you’re really dreaming, and he can control anything in it?
There are things in this movie called “projections” which are essentially fake people that the dreamer creates themselves. This complicates matters even more, because the characters aren’t always sure who is what.
The middle one and a half hours consists of these people hooking each other up to machines, drugging each other, and going into each other’s dreams. It’s way too messy to detail here, and if I did you’d be bored out of your mind. One of the main concepts that keeps coming up is the ability to wake someone up from the dream by pushing them out of a chair.
Now, just when you thought it couldn’t get anymore confusing, it does. All of a sudden they’re skiing at this resort and engaged in heavy gunfire. Everybody’s wearing white and it’s almost impossible to teall who’s who. I could tell Page’s character apart because she is a woman (sort of, you’d never know it by looking at her chest) and other than that, you can pretty much forget who’s real and who’s a projection.
The van containing all of the characters gets pushed off of a bridge. VERY SLOWLY. There’s some kind of a timing issue here, as the gang needs to get some sort of indistinguishable task finished before it hits the water. As they are underwater, some of the other memebers of the team seem to be floating around this hotel hallway.
Then he finally gets home to see his kids, which he probably could have done in the first place, and spins the top on the table. And that’s the end of the movie.
Conclusion:This is usually the part of the article where I’d mention how poor I thought the acting in this movie was, but to be honest the acting wasn’t really all that bad. I just couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on. The problem with a film that goes in and out of dream sequences is that it’s very difficult to tell which is which without some sort of indication.
The visual effects in this movie are very impressive. There’s a scene where they walk up Penrose stairs, which is the illusion from the old MC Escher painting where steps continually go up. The cinematography is fantastic.
The fact that the visual effects are so astounding lead me to my theory that I developed about Inception: I think this movie was extremely confusing to almost everyone that saw it. But, you don’t want to be the one guy at work that admits you don’t get it. Therefore, everyone talks about how mind-blowing it was but never discusses what the hell happened.
This is probably one of the last movie reviews I’ll do for a while. It’s way too much work even when it’s easy and I’m not a really big fan of films to begin with. So, see you in a couple of days to talk about football.
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