Social Commentary

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME

This plant will not make your life any less miserable

by Ryan Meehan

As Americans, we have access to some of the best research in the world. We have the know how and resources to develop cures for diseases along with innovations that can connect us with each other for both business and personal reasons. These developments can usually have a positive effect on our living experience.

And what did we come up with? A way to grow tomatoes upside down. I shit you not. The product is called “Topsy Turvy”. And it is a device that grows tomatoes upside down. It’s a tomato plant in a green bag that you hang from the ceiling or roof. I first noticed it watching television late one night and figured it was just another one of those ridiculous products that only people who are up late night watching TV and happen to have way too much money would even consider purchasing.

But then I started to see these plants when I would drive to work. It started out innocent enough, as a family who lived down the street that was always being visiting by the city’s finest at least once a week for domestic disputes had one of these things out front. But I gave it the benefit of the doubt, and I actually remember saying to myself: “Well, at least he’s found something to do besides beating the shit out of his wife” which should give you a pretty disturbing idea of where we’re at as a society in 2010.

When I moved into my new flat on the West End of town I noticed that there was a family upstairs that had one of these devices hanging from their awning. But those people drink a shitload of Busch Light and smoke somewhere in the neighborhood of sixteen cartons of Winstons per week, so here again I didn’t feel threatened at this point as the deck obviously had been stacked against them for quite some time.

I get home the other day and my other neighbor (who works in the medical field and is very intelligent and personable) is setting up the Topsy Turvy. I was speechless. I didn’t say anything to her about it, as I was headed inside to get a little topsy turvy myself if you know what I mean. But it sickened me: Here’s someone who clearly knows better, is very smart, and still blown away by this enough to actually purchase the damn thing.

I guess I just don’t understand that we were having a problem with the way we’ve been growing tomatoes. And in my defense, pretty much all of the other plants grow from the ground up. And they’re incredibly ugly too it’s like a bright green garbage bag. Why?

Gravity ain’t shit folks…don’t kid yourself…

Meehan

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