Social Commentary

the coolest person i’ve never met

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so rather than go to bed at a reasonable hour, i’ve decided to post a brief – and largely unfunny – blurb about the coolest person i’ve never met.

since you didn’t ask, there are two requirements to be the coolest person i’ve never met – they are as follows:

1. you love the shit out of pee wee’s big adventure

2. you dominate on the etch-a-sketch

i don’t typically judge, but i must assume that there is substantial overlap with the above requirements and the following characteristics – each of which immediately disqualify individuals from the being the coolest person i’ve never met:

1. you have five or more cats

2. at least one of your cats is named amazing larry

if you possess ONLY the above qualities (latter two), i suppose i have no choice but to meet you in nightmares, for it is there that you surely reside.

in summation, i’m obviously not very cool… but i’m almost certain my head would explode if i were to meet the person who created this beautifully-rendered, pop-culture masterpiece. tremendous.

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