Everyone who knows me well will acknowledge that my skills at being lazy rank up there with the best of them. But what they never could have predicted was the evening that I had this past Friday.
My night started like many of them have, with the great ambition for dinner and a movie. I bagged up a nice stack of Dvds that I had yet to watch, and headed over to my friends house with the thought of watching at least two of the movies in the bag. So far so good.
After we ordered pizza we sat down on the couch to commence the movie viewing. But this is where things started to go a little sour. That old laziness bug was starting to infect the room. After 20 minutes of rummaging through the bag it was determined that we were too lazy to pick out a movie and put it in the Dvd player (yeah it got that bad). An argument ensued over who had to pick the movie out, and then it was determined that laziness had won this round. I thought “maybe this would be a good time to surf through the free In Demand movies” for a flick (something that required no energy at all to do). Before I tell you what movie was selected consider the movies that I brought over to watch:
- The Wind That Shakes The Barley
- Le Samourai
- Stray Dog
- Dexter (Season 1)
With all of those great films to choose from, I ended up picking “Harry and The Hendersons” from the In Demand listings. Wow what a mistake I made.
I remember seeing this movie when I was an kid and enjoying it. As an adult it was a completely different story. A whopping 19 minutes into the movie I declared “I want Harry to Kill the Hendersons”. Each family member was more obnoxious than the last. The little kid took the cake for least tolerable. He said some of the dumbest things and looked like he needed a solid beating. The movie was nothing more then a “anti hunting movie disguised as a family flick”. After a short time I had many, many questions: How the heck can people fall in love with a creature who rips apart their house in one evening? Why the heck didn’t they just lure him back to the woods near their house? Why does John Lithgow suck so much? Why couldn’t Harry Eat the Hendersons? If Harry loved animals so much, why did he snack on a goldfish from the tank? By the 37 minute mark a bathroom break was in order and I took this opportunity to jump to the In Demand menu hoping that I could rectify this mistake of a movie selection. But needless to say I got a little side track when I discovered that someone thought it was a good idea to make a “8mm: 2”. I saw that it was rated “R” so I preceded to fast-forward to all of the nude scenes (and let me tell you there were plenty). I will give you a brief outline of what I saw in during the fast forward. A couple goes to hotel (i think, it was hard to tell in fast-forward) and the guy sees a random woman swimming naked in the pool (that is usually how I roll and a hotel). Commence a 3-way (pretty standard right). The couple finds out later that someone has died and they think the murderer is the girl that they 3-wayed. (cut to more boobs). They take it upon themselves to find her again and you see lots more gratuitous nude scenes (the only scenes that I found it necessary to watch) and the movie ends. It was dumb. I am guessing that this movie was a straight to video affair, but it calls into question the movie biz that thinks it is ok to make sequels to bad movies. Why did someone bother to assemble a plot to a movie that was clearly built on gratuitous nudity? What is the point? This evening was turning into a winner.
When the fast-forwarding was over, we found ourselves not wanting to return to Harry, so we surfed that channels. After some heated debate we decided on “Drowning Mona”. This movie provided a solid backdrop for some snoozing on the couch because it really isn’t worth your full attention (it was a strenuous evening you know). Some say that I need to get a life, but what I will hold it as, will be “A Friday to Remember”.
Harry and the Hendersons (we finished it on Sunday): 4/10
8mm 2 (watched in fast-forward): 3/10
Drowning Mona (I have seen this movie several times): 5/10