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NFL WEEK ELEVEN

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"My wife is hot and you look like a horse" – Tom Brady

by Ryan Meehan

Here are my predictions for a bye-less Week Eleven:

Chicago Bears 19, Miami Dolphins 16

As much as I hate to say it, I am picking the Bears to advance to 7-3 with a road win.  The Dolphins are pretty week to week and it looks like they will be starting Tyler Thigpen, who didn’t look all that bad against the Titans.

Baltimore Ravens 47, Carolina Panthers 8

The Ravens should be able to smoke Carolina even though Flacco and that offense continues to struggle in the clutch.  Not sure who Carolina plans on starting, but if it’s Jimmy Claussen he’d better gain twenty pounds this week or just up and quit.  I can’t WAIT to see the highlights from this game.  If ESPN thinks that concussions are getting worse in the NFL this year, they’re about to change their PR strategy forever.

New York Jets 25, Houston Texans 20

Isn’t it interesting how when the Texans beat the Colts to start out the year everyone was saying that it was their time to make a move and this is the year they would finally win the division?  Now they’re in last place.

Kansas City Chiefs 21, Arizona Cardinals 10

If the postseason started today, I’d be cool with the fact that the Chiefs wouldn’t be going.  It doesn’t, so Kansas City could still make it.  They will have to win the division if they want to as it’s nearly impossible two playoff teams will come out of the AFC West.  Which makes this a perfect time to play a fledgling team like Arizona, who is looking less and less like the team that came within minutes of winning it all a couple years back.

Washington Redskins 25, Tennessee Titans 21

I like Washington in an upset here.  Tennessee is starting to slip and I get the feeling that for the first time in his career Jeff Fisher can’t figure out which end is up.  I wasn’t shocked when they got Moss, but I was kind of wondering how that would end up working out.  Chris Johnson is arguably the best running back in the game but they can’t give him the ball twenty times a game or he’s going to die shitting his pants.

This week’s battle of ineptitude:

Cincinnati Bengals 16, Buffalo Bills 12

The Bengals are coming off a game where they turned the ball over five times, and the Bills are coming off a game where for the first time all season they didn’t look like the Bills.

Pittsburgh Steelers 24, Oakland Raiders 21

I have to assume that the Steelers are pretty embarassed by what happened to them at home last week, save the fourth quarter.  Could be interesting because both team play kind of dirty.

Jacksonville Jaguars 24, Cleveland Browns 21

I’m taking the Jags here based on the fact that they have a lot more at stake here.  The Browns aren’t playoff contenders, and you can only be motivated by crushing other teams’ playoff hopes for so long before you stop caring.  The Jags are fighting for their coach’s job, their right to show everybody they can hang, and maybe even the future of their franchise-in wherever city that may occur.

Dallas Cowboys 23, Detroit Lions 13

I have to pick the Cowboys in this one since they’ve decided they’d like to play football again.  Lions lost to the fucking Bills last week…Ouch.

Green Bay Packers 31, Minnesota Vikings 16

I don’t normally hope that a guy gets injured, but if there was ever a game this is it.  Minnesota is half the team Green Bay is, and hopefully the shit will hit the fan Sunday.

New Orleans Saints 38, Seattle Seahawks 6

The Saints should be able to blast the Seahawks good.  For a defending Super Bowl champion New Orleans’ schedule is fairly easy.

Atlanta Falcons 34, St. Louis Rams 23

With the Giants slowly showing signs of biting the dust, the Falcons end up looking like the best NFC team.  They have a young quarterback, a good running game, and Roddy White.

New England Patriots 35, Indianapolis Colts 16

I can see the Colts getting worked here.  Indy has been plagued by injuries all year and it keeps getting worse.  New England on the other hand is playing like a team possessed.

Philadelphia Eagles 30, New York Giants 13

Giants forgot to check for rocks under the Slip N’ Slide last week agaisnt Dallas and got their chests sliced wide open.  Philadelphia is presently four times the team Dallas is.  You do the math.

San Diego Chargers 41, Denver Broncos 27

No way the Broncos put on the show they put on last week.  Plus the Chargers should be well rested and ready for their annual second half of the season killing spree and if Denver is in the way, so slappeth the judgemental hand of God.  My hatred for the Broncos shall never wither.

Thanks again for visiting First Order Historians and enjoying some of the internet’s finest in user generated content.

Meehan

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