Social Commentary

BEER PONG HAS GOT TO BE THE DUMBEST SHIT I’VE EVER SEEN

beerpong1 - BEER PONG HAS GOT TO BE THE DUMBEST SHIT I’VE EVER SEEN
beerpong

I hope I never meet either of these shitheads

by Ryan Meehan
It’s almost impossible to predict what will be popular in this country. One minute we think one way and then the next minute what we had previously thought was cool is completely unhip, irrelevant, and silly. And then we’re on to the next thing that will become just as ridiculous when that craze is over.

Lately I’ve been hearing a lot of talk about beer pong becoming popular. I don’t know much about it, but I do know it involves ping pong balls and most things that involve ping pong balls are weak. And as someone who has never understood the need for drinking games to begin with, beer pong begins its journey on my shitlist.

I guess this game is played by bouncing ping pong balls into beer cups.  I’m not going to go into any further detail about the semantics of this because it isn’t necessary.  You just have to know that it looks ridiculous. 

Here is a step-by-step breakdown of the only real drinking game that I happen to know of:

1. Purchase large bottle of Liquor, preferably a handle (1.75 Liter)

2. Find something creative to do once you have your buzz on (Like a musical instrument, or a piece of writing that you’re doing, or any other worthwhile creative outlet)

3. Drink from bottle.

4. Repeat Step 3 until whatever religious figure you believe in becomes present.

Awfully easy, huh? No cards, no bullshit rules to remember, pretty straightforward. No Presidents, no Assholes, none of that shit.

The dickless morons I’ve observed describing beer pong make it sound like it should be in the Olympics. I work at a retail mall and there is actually a store that has beer pong tables for sale on display right in the front of the store.  The picture above is from that display.

I actually woke up hung-over a few weeks back and flipped on sports talk radio and they were talking about beer pong. With all of the crazy stuff going on in sports right now they were actually using national airtime to discuss this nonsense.

And just in case you were wondering, here is a sentence from the Wikipedia page about beer pong:

“In early 2009, news sources claimed a recent study by the U.S. Center of Disease Control (CDC) stated that beer pong was contributing to the spread of Herpes, Mono, and other diseases through shared cups. The CDC quickly responded as the CDC had not done such research,[34][35] however the U.S. National Institute of Health (NIH) does suggest avoiding the sharing of eating utensils to prevent the transmission of certain contagious viruses such as herpes.[36]”

Isn’t that GREAT news? I’m sure it’s not much of an issue, as most of the people who would play beer pong probably all have herpes anyway.

I also learned from Wikpedia that there is a World Series of Beer Pong. The winner actually takes home $50,000 and they actually use the fucking ring announcer from the UFC (Bruce Buffer) to call the championship match.

I won’t drink out of anything that has been violated by a ball that bounces on anything before it lands in a cup.  And I drink quite a bit.

Thank you once again for visiting First Order Historians for some of the internet’s finest in user generated content.

Meehan

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13 Comments

  • Ravenation

    Beer pongs are good as that’s what makes the guys from “Jersey Shore” feel that they’re intellectually superior to others . And for the “guidettes” on the show it’s a sure way for them to get laid as they’ll “put out” for a guy who drinks from a beer pong so that they can get laid……. ‘nough said !

    This “b_tch” is so dumb that she makes Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears seem like Harvard grads .

    AP

  • Without intending to offend anyone, it just looks and seems gay to me.

    Meehan

  • Ravenation

    It’s probably gay if they’re using the beer pong as a sexual aided device amongst the males of that clique.

    Is Strasburg of the Nationals really that good is it pure hype ?

    AP

  • I’m gonna go ahead and say it’s probably gay no matter what. And if you think this is stupid, wait’ll you see the article I just finished about teenagers drinking hand sanitizer.

    Answer: Strasburg will be good if they don’t rely on him to be too much of the rotation. They shouldn’t start him once every five days. They should put him in one out of every seven starts that way he can perfect that fastball without having to have Tommy John surgery before he turns 23 years old. If he can do that, then he is on his way to becoming a potential Cy Young candidate since apparently Lincecum is losing a lot of movement off of his curve ball.

    Meehan

  • Oh, I see…you can reply to the individual comments. I’m learning so much from the interwebz.

    Meehan

  • Meehan & Ravenation

    When that’s the only thing that the Nationals have going for them . Then the organization are going to ride him like a horse. I wonder if it’ll be the same with their signing from this year’s draft in Bryce Harper ? Four years from now both of those kids could be in Yankees’ pinstripes .

    If you want to read something that’s real sick and depraved , then see the link below.

    13-Year-Old Girl Performs DIY Abortion With a Pencil

    Do you support parental consent laws? You know, those laws that require minors to notify and, in some cases, get permission from their parents before getting an abortion?

    I am not. Read this story and you’ll see why:

    A 13-year-old Pennsylvania girl has been hospitalized after attempting to give herself an abortion with a pencil. The girl had become pregnant from a 30-year-old man — Michael James Lisk — she refers to as her boyfriend, but whom I think we can all agree to call child rapist. This sexual abuse had been going on for about a year.

    After the abortion attempt, the girl became very sick and eventually gave birth to a baby. The “boyfriend,” Lisk, placed the baby in a plastic shopping bag and buried it in the woods. It is unclear as to whether the baby was stillborn or not. An autopsy is pending.

    ====================================
    Click on link to read in full . This child refers to her 30 yr old assailant as her boyfriend.
    ==================================

    How fu_ked up is that story then ?

    AP

  • Ravenation

    I’d sent you an e-mail and hopefully you’re in receipt of it.

    It provides you with a link of some of my most recent pieces.

    AP

  • Premarital sex isn’t dangerous as long as you’re not doing it in the front seat while trying to drive . Here endeth the lesson for the day .

    Alan …………….

  • Well that’s not going to work for me because I ONLY have premarital sex while I’m driving.

    Meehan

  • Ravenation LLC

    So do you drive stick or automatic ? Cause if it’s stick then the female has at least two sticks that she can play with !

    Been married now divorced and I guess you could say that I’m back to having pre-marital sex once again…….. not that I’ll be getting married a second time as once was enough for me !

    Alan …………

  • 80 Euro für eine zugefallene Türe ist wirklich Spitze. Das wurde uns am Telefon auch so mitgeteilt. Klasse, daß er vor Ort nicht teurer wurde. Wir haben auch eine Rechnung bekommen und eine kostenlose Sicherheitsberatung an der Türe. Für unsere Kinder hatte er auch Bonbons dabei… Welche eine nette Geste. Wir haben Sie gut in Erinnerung, da Sie uns nichts absichtlich kaputt gemacht haben, wie manch anderer Anbieter in am Main. Wir haben eine gute Wahl getroffen und können jedem diesen hier wärmstens weiterempfehlen. D A N K E am Main Vielen Dank, daß Sie sich die Zeit genommen haben uns zu bewerten. Danke, daß Sie mit einem auch gute Erfahrungen sammeln konnten mit uns. Leider gibt es einen Mitbewerber, der versucht andere schlecht zu machen durch frei erfundene Bewertungen bzw. “Schein”-Bewertungen. Deshalb bedanke ich mich, daß Sie ehrlich gewesen sind und keine erfundene Bewertung uns reinschreiben. Gerne bekommen

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