These are the five most imperialistic, hated, dominating teams in all of the major sports which cause the average sports fan headaches and distress prompting us to question much larger topics like religion and death as a result of the horrible things we’ve seen.
We’ll begin in the most obvious place…
THE NEW YORK YANKEES (Inception until the end of time)
Growing up I generally liked the Cubs but I was also very partial to both the Yankees and the White Sox as my father was a fan of those teams. I knew that the Yankees were something special but growing up in the Mattingly era Yankees, they weren’t winning World Series titles.
As I got older, I seemed to notice more and more that the Yankees never really ran out of money and I kind of thought that was lame as hell and that if you REALLY wanted to get involved with a sport where you could do that, get into auto racing man…Seriously this is baseball, GO AWAY!
George Steinbrenner used to always say “Lead, Follow, Or Get the Hell Out of the Way”. There’s a clip from a George Carlin album where he says: “You know what I do when I see that phrase? I OBSTRUCT.” Bravo, brother. There’s nothing wrong with being determined to do something but the Yankees could even get along with Reggie Jackson back in the 70’s and Reggie WAS the freaking Yankees. That type of alpha male ethos may work in a city where everyone is a prick, but there are a lot of sports fans in this country who don’t live in New York.
And then they let someone like Don Mattingly go from the organization and you’re like: “Wow, you really are a bunch of assholes aren’t you?”
And then, we all know how the story has continued…
USC TROJANS FOOTBALL (1950-Present)
Recruiting is slimy business anymore, and that’s why Lane Kiffin is the perfect fit to head up one of the most hated college sports teams in the world. USC gives us a lot of really great players but it also an endless supply of pretty white boys that have warmed up to the fact that UCLA isn’t ANY sort of a threat in football anymore. As someone who follows the next level of play quite closely, it easy for me to say that the Pac Ten is usually filled to the brim with guys that the NFL is going to incinerate the first week of pro training camp.
Todd Marinovich was an example of a good old fashioned young man who enjoyed all of the finer things in life. Bowl games, fast cars, women, and syringes packed with the finest methamphetamines California has to offer. He could have been a very good NFL player and did have some good seasons, but he folded REAL quick like. An when it went downhill for him the shit really hit the fan…
Matt Leinart will show everybody the meaning of the term “pretty boy” when he takes over the Arizona Cardinals under center this year. Then you’ll see how soft Pac-Ten players are at the next level.
THE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (1996-Present)
If you would have told me back in the 80’s that I’d be writing an article where I said the Patriots were one of the most hated sports teams in the world I would have probably told my Dalmatian to bite right through your hand. Sorry, Gene.
New England was the laughingstock of the NFL for the better part of two decades. They were a sorry excuse for a football team. They had good players at times (Irving Fryar) but collectively weren’t ever a true powerhouse. Fun stat: Steve Grogan 0-6 in Super Bowl 20.
So first, they get Drew Bledsoe who leads them to their second Super Bowl. They lose, but look good doing so. Then a couple years later he gets hurt and they are left with their backup, a sixth rounder from Michigan and he walks out and cleans EVERYBODY’S clock. Easily. It looks so fluid and so natural it makes you want to puke, and he stays healthy for a while because no team can get to him. They win Super Bowls and come extremely close to winning an additional one.
The, somewhere in the mix came this “scandal” over whether or not they had videotaped certain practices (which for the record I will say I thought was happening already and there was nothing going on) but since the NFL was so afraid of how the MLB stuff was going to go down they felt they had to take action.
Then everyone (the media and fans, but for the most part the media) wanted to go after them and call them cheaters. I’m not saying they did, I’m not saying they didn’t, but I can’t put it past The Hoodie, and as fans I’m not quite sure we know exactly how much of that kind of thing actually goes on. Sign stealing is considered gamesmanship in baseball. And to be honest, I don’t have anything against the fact that it IS considered gamesmanship.
Another reason people hate the Pats would be the fact that they have a very David Lee Roth-backstage in 1985-like attitude about them. They use players until there is nothing left and then throw their concussed corpses back on to the market. Some of these players go to play for teams like Oakland but for most their career ends in the Northeast.
There are a lot of reasons to hate on the Pats, but I think most of it hinges on the general hatred for teams that are successful.
THE DALLAS COWBOYS (1988-Present)
The Cowboys hace created a world where they can sign anyone they want…They are for the most part very successful at what they do, and because of it they are a notorious haven for troublemakers if you’re talking about good teams in good divisions. The Raiders are stop one but the Cowboys are stops 2, 3, 6 and 11. They have the tendency to sign guys who have made mistakes but have promised never to make those mistakes again.
Think about this list: Deion Sanders, Pacman Jones, Michael Irvin and Tank Freaking Johnson. Awesome. And two of those guys won Super Bowls. Several of them.
Jerry Jones is actually a marketing genius, which of course is hilarious because anybody who shows their true colors as an oil tycoon is either a really good speaker or just speaking to a lot of people that drink out of the toilet.
In other words: Stay classy Dallas!!!
THE LOS ANGELES LAKERS (1983-Present)
The Lakers are the current NBA dynasty if you will…the only team to win 4 Finals series in the past ten years. They are constantly the subject of some of the dumbest media scrutiny, because Hollywood loves a great scandal. I’m not really ever sure Kobe and Shaq hated each other in the first place, I think that has a lot to do with desperate sportswriters blowing it way out of proportion to the point where it eventually forced a trade situation. Then they go and sign Ron Artest and through all of that pick up Bill Walton’s son and I’m supposed to like this group of guys? When they get every foul call in the world? After game 6 of the 2002 Western Conference Finals? I don’t think so, son…
And nothing against Magic Johnson, but Magic coming out and saying he was HIV Positive (and still 21 years later not dying from the disease) probably didn’t put America in their corner either. It showed that in the end, it IS Hollywood and there is always a happy ending. But man, try telling Ken Caminiti that. And don’t get me wrong, I never wanted Magic to die, I’m glad he’s alive because he’s a great ambassador to the game. But it’s like breast cancer…IF you survive it’s all good, but there’s a shitload of people who don’t survive. The Lakers have always had this kind of protective shield around them and I’m just using the Magic thing as an example of that.
Now, that being said…If your team was playing the Lakers back when I was growing up, you hated them because they were scrappy, Kurt Rambis looked like your science teacher, and there were a whole slew of other players other than Magic to hate on. You hated James Worthy because he wasn’t Michael Jordan, you hated Kareem Abdul-Jabbar because there was almost no way in hell you could defend against the skyhook and he hit them all the time.
HONORABLE MENTION: The San Antonio Spurs (1996-Present)
The Spurs had probably two of the most uninteresting sports figures in the history of any groups of sports figures that have had success. David Robinson and Tim Duncan couldn’t be any less interesting to talk to if they were made out of bricks.
Those two guys had a ton of success with zero personalities to match. And the Spurs had some kind of ridiculous TV contract with Ted Turner that almost assured you if you were tuning into a West Coast game that they would be playing and more than likely hosting it. For some reason the Spurs always seemed kind of ingratiated into our sports world, with no real appeal unless you are a Spurs fan. But if you’re a Spurs fan, God probably has a lot of other reasons that he doesn’t like you. Additionally you probably should also stop pouring antifreeze on all of your food before you eat it.
There are probably a lot of teams that COULD be on this list. I could see putting the St. Louis Cardinals there (or at least a muppet in a Cardinals uniform) but that’s too local of a bias. Other than Mark McGwire cramming his ass full of HGH and the occasional story about Tony LaRussa falling asleep wasted at an intersection I don’t really think there are enough reasons to call them one of the most hated. The Denver Broncos are just lame as hell, and it’s also hard to imagine there being enough interesting material once you get past the joke about Shanahan’s Botox injections, or maybe the one about the DNA papers that show Elway is really a horse.
Anything that is important enough to be loved can be hated. You know who said that? I did.
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