Sports

Big Brown gets the Dirty Sanchez

2461452885 dff2b5c941 o - Big Brown gets the Dirty Sanchez

(Editor’s Note: This is a sports article, not an animal rights debate. I understand that some people think it is wrong to race horses and I understand that. But don’t email me about the ethics question regarding animal racing. I love animals, I always have, this is simply an observational writing about a fragment of the sports world. If you choose to make it part of your own personal agenda, I won’t even open the email, let alone read it, because I know who you people are and although I may agree with you on some of those things, I still have an article due and I don’t want this to turn int an arguement about how cheeseburger consumption is murder. Get Over It.

– RM – WordPress/QGC)

All right, I’m not a fan of horse racing and I never have been, and I don’t really think it’s a good idea to race animals for money, but that’s not up to me. The Belmont Stakes probably shouldn’t have happened, but it DID happen…and since sports is one of the things I write about…I have to jump in because I feel obligated to.

All week all I was hearing about how if Big Brown won the Stakes today, that it would be the first Triple Crown winner in 30 years, and how it would revive the sport if that happened.

So they run the race and the fucking horse finishes last. DEAD LAST. Not Second, not Fifth, Fucking Last. And every sports writer in America is going to say that it killed the interest in the sport, I have a different take on this altogether, and here it is.

For those if you who don’t know, in the last major horse race, Big Brown won, and then a right after the second place (Eight Belles) horse crossed the finish line, it broke its leg and was euthanized within minutes.

I personally think that Big Brown finishing last today may have been the single greatest thing to ever happen to horse racing…Because, if he would have won the Stakes today, regardless of whether or not he had achieved the Triple Crown, the fact is, with the media the way it is now, he would always be linked to having done it in the season where the horse had to be put down on national television. Big Brown not winning today a great thing for a lot of reasons. First, it shows that people who gamble on events where there is no strategy involved are losers. Second, it shows that with the way that horse ran that last leg, that when animals don’t feel like performing a certain task, said animal will not perform said task. It’s not like a stock car where you can just gun it and hope or the best…animals have brains, and if they decide it’s all of a sudden a great time for an easy going stroll, there’s really niot a whole lot you can fucking do about it. Third, this last place finish removes us from hearing anything from that dumb fuck chain smoking blow horking douche bag of a trainer has to say about his horse or anybody that questions his selfish lifestyle. I’m not even going to bother printing his name here because he’s a piece of shit, and it really isn’t worth it…

The reason that I believe this was good for horse racing is that this gives horse racing exactly what it wanted in the wake of Eight Belles’ unfortunate death. It gives horse racing a chance to almost fade away from existence for another 7 months, while fanatical sports fans wait for a new story to develop. And it will. I mean, look, how many of you fuckers can honestly say you knew what Big Brown even was a year ago today? If you would have asked me on June 8th, 2007 what Big Brown was, I probably would have suggested it was some sort of sex act involving analingus. And I would have been right, but neither of us would have any fucking clue that it was even a horse to begin with. This is why as of right now, the process starts all over again. Right now, there is some badass racehorse ready to take over the world. To shock everybody and Piss all over Big Brown’s offspring when he is done winning the Triple Crown, be it next year, or in the years to come. He will have lightning speed and be the perfect example of a male specimen with any species.

But maybe during the last lap, he’ll change his fucking mind. Put your money in a mutual fund, dickhead.

Meehan

P.S. When I told my father this story, the first words out of his mouth were: “You know what happened? He was probably running and said to himself…”Well, I could finish this race strong and break my leg and be put to death, or…I could slow down, take it easy, and be a stud horse for the next fifteen years.

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